Wednesday 10 June 2009

Tea

Several hundred years ago, some chinese people thought that adding water from their hot springs onto some leaves would be a good plan. It wasn't and they all became horribly addicted to a very dangerous strand of opium that is about 20 times more powerful than the strongest form of heroin. But that didn't stop them! They tried warmer water and new leaves. Eventually, they found the modern day "Afternoon Tea" and grew more. This pleased people worldwide and suddenly China became a prosperous tea-producing country.

Then Britain put a big flag in the ground and stole all the tea and sold it for stupid prices to a city called Boston in the USA. They tried to sell it for stupid money and the Boston folk got (for use of a better word) pissed off. So they rebeled and stole the tea. This apparently revolutionized America and led to the independance of the US of A. Good for them, but Britain still sold and stole tea. Selling it for extortionate amounts to countries around the world. And this trend hasn't changed.

But now the noble Chinese are fighting back. And no, not as ninjas.

Green tea! What a fantastic idea. A back to basics tea that needs no milk or sugar or little single-serving packet of British Airways creamer. This is literally just some leaves and some hot water. It tastes good too. Though to be fair it doesn't taste of anything, it's just nice I s'pose. And green tea has changed everything to do with hot beverages.

It used to be coffee vs tea. Simple enough. Personally I prefer coffee to tea. A nice steaming cup of peruvian coffe is much more attractive to me than a plastic cup of luke-warm milky horse piss. And also, what the hell is up with creamer? It's just not right. You shouldn't be able to make your tea go milky by adding some sort of alien crystallized stuff to your concoction of murky water.

Back to the point. It would seem that green tea is a big player in the hot drinks industry now. In fact, imagine green tea as the Snoop Dogg of the hot drinks industry. It's not in your face and popular like 50p (coffee) and M&M's (Tea). It just sits back and will suddenly jump out in a moment of what can only be called: "pure freakin' awesomeness".

The other good thing about green tea is the flavours. I f***ing hate Lapsang Suschong. And I can't stand camomile or lemon tea. But green tea with peach is bloody beautiful. Mint green tea isn't great though, tastes like really weird chewing gum. And not good weird like Lee Evans. Bad weird like a 40 year old who still lives at home and plays computer games 25 hours a day.

So yes. Try a mug of green tea today. Or tomorrow, because it's almost midnight now and it might look odd you going downstairs or to the local co-op to buy/brew some tea. Word of advice though, let it brew for like....10 minutes. Otherwise it tastes like slightly watered down apple juice. And that may sound nice but it really isn't. In fact, it's like warm milk that's almost about to go mouldy but is actually still ok and you won't get ill if you drink it. But you think that if you do drink it then you might get ill. And when you tip it away you feel guilty for all the hard work the cow did.

Night night readers.

-Steve



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