Monday 27 April 2009

You dirty swine!

If you're normal and watch the news, you might have noticed that something has cropped up in Mexico, and it's not a new taco filling. It would seem that some dodgy pigs (animals, not the women) have been rolling around in too much sh*t and have decided to infect the whole world with a disease to which the symptoms are:
-Zombification
-Death
So why do I have a problem with this? I hear people who know me going; "Why do you care you bigot!" and I didn't at the start. "Why do I care if some pigs have caused a new disease? It isn't involving Britain!" said the ever so nieve me. But now I'm pissed off. Not only do Glasweigans have to live with the (unfair) stereotype of being drunk and socially unnaceptable people, but now they've got a case of the H-D1051. What the hell do these antibodies think they're doing ehhh? Stepping on British turf! These crackas best be from da arteries yo! (Now read that like Stephen Fry).

Well I'm about 20 lines in and I still haven't really got to the point so here we go.

*Drumroll please*

What the hell is Swine Flu? I don't have a freakin' clue what all the fuss is about. Apparently you get the sniffles, go warm and suddenly you're in a box being eaten by the ghost of Oscar Wilde. I don't get the fuss, and all I see is that it's an enflamed type of flu. What sort of pandemic is that? Bring on the zombies I say! I can't wait to be standing in a deserted London with nothing but a carbine and some nades. Until then, hope you survive the outbreak.

-Steve

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